Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Who am I?

Well, somehow i got everything i wanted for Christmas.

Sweet time with my girl,
An Alabama National Championship,
Bama Gear,
Frank Sinatra Music,
an iPhone,
and Tim Tebow's tears....still dont know how you pulled that one Macy.

I miss my girl. She's everything to me. She surprises me everyday with her uniqueness, generousness, kindness, love for life, and the way she cares for me.

Its hard to get back into the swing of things for me this semester. Wow i dont know where to draw motivation from. Lord strengthen me.

I feel like the majority of the people in my life dont respect me. Dont take my seriously. Dont think i have what it takes. I feel the weight of that alot. Ryan doesnt. My friends dont sometimes. i dont think i even respect myself. Im such a perfectionist and yet i struggle with motivation so much that i beat myself up for not doing more or being more. this struggle is everyday. its every second. i talked with a very wise Christian Psychiatrist once and she said that i have a rare duel kind of personality, where i am both an extrovert and an introvert. I am a perfectionist and lack motivation for things. I hate my laziness but cant shake it. i miss sweet quiet times with the Lord. I hate that phrase quiet times....i miss being with Him, but He is always everywhere...ok what is it then....i want Jesus. I miss my Jesus. I miss my everything. I miss being filed with the substance that is the only filing in my heart. I want Him, and yet dont choose Him a thousand times a day. I miss my friends. My old friends that i could talk to anything about and just hang out with and feel like everything is ok and the feeling of being alive. Lord fill me with your Love, and rid me of my desire to stuff empty things in my heart and head. I miss you Lord.

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